The Kola
Nut
Are you
getting married? Are you going to visit someone important? Have you committed a
terrible sin? Are you tired and need a little bit of energy? If you answered
yes to any of the previous questions than Kola nuts are just for you! For the
cost of only 8 cents you could have your very own, freshly picked, white or red
Kola nut, perfect for just about any occasion.
Guinean men
love to joke about marriage. Not a day goes by when someone doesn’t ask me to
marry them, or even more forward, to say that I’m already their wife. Rather
than flat-out denying that fact, I’ve gotten into the habit if demanding Kola
nuts, because everyone knows that you can’t get married (engaged, really)
without presenting Kola nuts to the girl and/or her parents. This usually works
in my favor, since people don’t generally carry around Kola nuts in their
pockets. “Oh, you don’t have any Kola? That’s too bad. I guess I can’t be your
wife.”
However,
this approach backfired last time I used it and now I think I have 4 husbands.
One day while in Kamsar I decided to spoil myself and get lunch at a restaurant
that is frequented by PCVs in the region. The owner is fond of us and he told
me he would buy a soda for me. I was sitting at the “bar” and talking with the
owner, some of the employees and some customers. One of the employees said that
I was his wife and before I could decline, the owner refuted him saying that I
was his wife. I said that was all
fine and well, but he would have to give me Kola nuts otherwise it would be a
no-go. He didn’t have any Kola nuts, as I suspected, so instead he said he
would pay for my lunch and he also gave me 500 francs (the price of a kola nut).
The other customers and employees said that wasn’t good enough, and before I
knew it one of the employees disappeared for a few moments and reappeared with
a kola nut. Uh oh. Before I could
even say anything, one of the customers came up to me with a bag of 4 kola
nuts. The situation was starting to get out of hand. Then the man sitting next
to me, in despair of his lack of kola nuts, ordered another soda for me, on his
tab. I thought I was getting a free lunch and now I have 4 husbands. The men said
that I would need to evaluate the gifts from each man and, after a good night’s
sleep, make a decision on which one I should actually marry. I told them I would think it over…Of course
all of this was in good humor, but I’m secretly afraid that I will bump into
one of them on the street and they will ask me why I haven’t married them yet.
Leçon du
jour: Next time you think you are getting a free lunch be careful not to end up
with 4 husbands
